Fear

I gave you my trust, but you just stepped on it.
Now I dontknow if I could believe you anymore , when I wanted to do so badly.

I have decided , not to get close to anyone of them anymore.
I dont wna get hurt , I dont wna anything.
I know my personalities sucks big time , sorry.
I dont mind being alone now , when I used to fear so much about being alone.
At least being alone , I got no worries thinking how my friend’s thinking and everything.

I did a wrong choice. And I shouldn’t have call him , but seeing you that sad , that miserable , that helpless , I called him. I did the wrong thing , and from that night , I knew very clearly , that even if I’m no longer here , you’ll be perfectly fine , cause you’re never alone. The next day , checking out. You thought I didn’t knew, but i know , you were texting with June , when you and her are not even 10m apart ? But still , I chose to keep quiet , cause I dontwna anything happen. Tears just drop on the way home , but still I chose to tell nobody about it , expect my sis.

I think , it’s no longer possible that we go back to the past. And I think its time for me to move on. Goodbye my friend , takecare.

How i wish , I can hold on to happiness awhile longer. It ended too early. It’s not suppose to be likethat , It should be different from 2 years ago.. It has been 6months. I thought I got over it already..

I glad to have what I have now. And I have learnt my mistakes. From now , I’ll treasure every single thing I have. My family , my friends. I glad to have them with me all this while. Especially , Xijuan , June , Priskila . Thankyou. Loveyou , my dear friends.

You all made me grow.

Xixi , this is the reason why I request for a photo taking session. I have been preparing this post since the day before yesterday. I wanted to continue yesterday’s night , but I was too tired and I fell asleep. It took quite long. So please read ,although it’s pretty long. I’m sorry.

Yesterday’s picture.

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Our first time taking photo together – Last dec holiday @ FP’s toilet when I said I want go to the toilet when slacking.

Our second outing together to Bugis for new year things – OG toilet with june.

 
Your belated birthday present from me.

A present given to me , by you and Priskila.

Pool session with you , June , Jiamin.

Steamboat with Clique. Absolute Mango with grass power afterthat.  x.x

2nd time personal outing with xixi , to airport to send priskila off.

Study with you @ Mac.

After my Birthday celebration with Clique @ Downtown East.

You came over my house to stay over for the first time after studying.

We went to Town area to see your cap @ Fourskins , while I bought our friendship ring.
On the bus back to my house , cause you love my bed and want to ton with me ! >< Taoyannnns ~

Walked to 201 from Tampines mall. Keep disiao you say you look like the sotong which aloy gave you :X

Start working Treats , before working , we always went to eat and walk around Tamp shopping malls .

Taken after work @ Tamp interchange with Kahki and Pris , the last picture with you before I took out my eyebrown piercing.

Chalet that day itself , before we went to meet others – @ Downtown East’s toilet.

Our early morning taking photo session cause others were still asleep.

You say you like the picture ‘ Sand sister ‘ alot .

Went to town with you.

Bread making for Sentosa trip with Clique.

@ Sentosa

School reopen already, and we always went to BBQ chicken ^^

We went to Raffles places and walk around .

Went to my house to study for exams. Before that , accompanied you to Cotton on to buy your cardi cause you got new idea how to wear it.

Tamp 1 toilet , Rocker and loser sign.

Our daily routine to go library to study after school. We’ll have either waffles or mixed rice. After that , we always try to sneak into the library with our bubbletea ^^

Outing with you and Pris cause I told you two there is a on-going isetan sales :X

National day in school

Went to watch the fireworks on national day. Had Astons at Cathay before that.

Your first outing with Carmen and Beatrice @ 18 chefs.
Then we went over to bugis and saw them and we went to Haji Lane together.

Outing with You , Beatrice and Carmen to flea(s) at Big splash. Got a big quarrelling with you that night.

Went out with you , Beatrice and Carmen again to Ion for our icecream buffet

Century square with you

Went to watch G-force with you , the day you went to meet Zhiwei.

You yearn for the spects so much that we went back to look for it. Wu tou cang ying

Overnight @ Airport and you treated me Ock

After exams , pool session ! Suppose to go Town but someone mistook the bank’s operating hours ! >:C
Went to ikea and bought our friendship rings

Shopping with you on your day off. Suntec astons

Webcam @ Mac. Ton over at my house.

I didn’t like you much when the first time I saw you @ Safra pooling , thought you were some kind of typical ahlian. But my impression towards you change I went out with you the second time. And slowly , we became closer . And without me knowing , you got my trust building in you. You became someone whom I can tell my problems to , other than June and Priskila. Remember there’s a time , when there’s some problems within our group ? No matter what , we managed to solve all the problems together. And I really felt comfortable going out with you. Until I remember almost every outing we went together , I remember , you used to tell me that I am the best. I love to hear that , cause it’s sweet. I still remember the nihwa between me and June , and what you told me. I was really touched at that moment. Cause nobody told me that before. I used to scare people snatch my friends away , so I am somehow oversensitive towards anything about friendship.  At here, I want to apologise to you , for making you feel like you couldn’t do so many things. I’m sorry , I didnt know I was going too overboard, controlling you too much and taking your freedom to make friends away. I’m sorry , and I hope our friendship won’t be affected by this incident and may our friendship last long. Hope our friendship is able to overcome any obstacles.

Loveyou , my dear friend.

I’m sorry.

A mistake I done , sent us world apart. Having difficulties to communicate with you now , my friend. Whats wrong ? I don’t know , can’t find it out. I really really don’t wish this friendship to turn out likethat. You were more than a normal friend, you’re one of the awesome ones. Never thought misunderstandings like this could tear us friendship apart. Friend , when will you be back ?

I no longer fear of people snatching you away. I must change my thinking mindset. We’re a clique , we 8 are one. No fear weixuan. You can do it , you know you can. Take it easy, and everything is gonna be alright .. It’s hard to get rid , cause it is part of my personality. But still for the sake of you all , my friend , I’m gonna work hard. Luv you friends.

In the past , I used to be so afraid that other people will snatch you away. Cause I suppose I’m someone who needs alot of security. If people don’t give me the amount of security I needed , it’ll send me down to hell. You used to tell me that I’m the best. But now , I guess I’m no longer the best in your eyes. I hate people for snatching friends away from me. In fact , sometimes I admire those who have best friend , whom is willingly to go through everything with them and shower their beloved friends with large amount of love , care and security. I’m no longer the  best , I know. And this time , I’m letting go. Live well , I know you will. Cause you got great friends around you , who will always be there for you. You’ll always be the sweetheart that I remembered in my heart , who told me those sweet stuffs.

Friend , goodbye.

My diary ,

I got much to say. Not to complain , but to say out , to feel better.
Diary, my fear took control of me. I could no longer control it any longer.
But like what I say , since she found a friend whom she is closer with , I shall take my leave.
She will no longer need me , I suppose I’m going to lose her soon , my dearest friend.

English exams paper is back , not all but still , I failed by 1.5 marks.
I cried, J cried too , but she didn’t care for me as much as how she cared for J.
Yes, I’m tired. So I decided , not to expect so much from you. I gaveup.
Even today tears , is apartly because of you. The thought , the sight of the friend whom I trust , dependent on ..
leaving me , tears just flow , like a broken tap.

And somehow , I feel she is trying to replace me.
We’re no longer that close . The current you , keep speak her infront of me.
I suppose I’m no longer the best.
Somehow , I dislike her by abit for trying to tear us apart , coming in between us..

My dear friend , do you know how it feels like to be in my shoes ?

Just too much stress , Im out of breathe.
I needa break…

Even writing this post , tears just flow.
Remembering how close we used to be .. My dear friend , Goodbye..
Im going to keep everything t myself , I rather suffer alot then the whole lot..